1. Assertiveness and Self-Confidence (Personal Mastery)
How to help build, boost, and develop self-confidence and assertiveness
Being assertive is not what many people often think of as a “milder form of aggression” to get your own way.
Assertive behaviour is based on your Intent and can be defined as follows:
“Assertiveness is Open, Two-Way Communication aimed to achieve an Honest Expression of Ideas and Feelings which is Constructive to all parties, is Socially Acceptable and ensures that individuals maintain Mutual Respect for one another as well as protecting their own and others Human Rights!”
Becoming assertive and building self-confidence is easier than you think and is not dependent on the type of personality you have or the experiences you have gone through in your past. Assertiveness is a behavioural choice you make and it can be learned, developed and become integrated as ‘the way I do things”. Many people are non-assertive or submissive and do not want to become dominant or the centre of attention.
All that they generally want is the following:
- How can I feel better about interactions I have with others and not get down on myself and think of ‘what I should have said”
- ‘How can I exert and feel a bit more control in situations that are important to me?
- ‘How will I be more able to resist the pressures of very dominant people or bullies?’
Assertiveness training focuses on you learning and integrating new behaviour over time and is therefore presented as 4 sessions of 3- 4 hr format, spaced over 3 months, with candidates having to work on specific skills both at work, at home and in society between the development sessions.
Some excerpts from course feedback sheets:
‘This course has been life-changing in helping me cope better at work and at home.’
‘The feedback sheet only goes up to 5 but I had to give you a 6.’
‘All managers at HC need to go through this if we want to change the Culture’.
‘Assertiveness has helped me find my voice in meetings and see that others value my input.’
2. Conflict Management
Whenever we hear the term Conflict most of us immediately have a negative feeling or connotation associated with this word. Traditionally, we often tend to regard conflict as adversarial and something to be avoided.
- We regard conflict as the opposite of “being nice” and may then engage in “false harmony” or avoidance of controversial issues.
- Our response to conflict is often to become defensive and emotional.
- We then tend to engage in “Win – Lose” strategies such as Passive Aggression or Counter-Aggression with the result whilst you may forgive or be forgiven, the relationship is left somewhat scarred.
I focus on reframing the concept of dealing with conflict that, if handled effectively can serve as an opportunity not only to resolve issues, but to potentially develop a better outcome as well as deepening the interpersonal relationship. In other words, conflict, if properly dealt with can help you like each other more!
Candidates on the training are interactively taught to not only listen actively, but to avoid the common responses such as “calm down or chill” which almost guarantee a heightened anger response. The candidates develop a conflict management process built both on behavioural and neuro-science which will maximise the potential for conflict to become constructive.
3. Communication Efficacy
Communication is the ‘glue’ that binds people and makes us understand and, when it is really good, get one another.
We start by learning first to listen, and indicate the 6 levels of listening. Participants are then encouraged to engage at least conversational listening in general communication and for issues where there is potential consequence, to engage in ‘active listening.’
Participants discover how to improve the impact of their communication and are taught a specific communication process using the acronym DESC. (Explained in the training)Focus is also placed on para-linguism (how we say things) and on becoming Congruent in our communication by using Non-Verbal Communication (NVC) appropriately.
4. Stress Management
Stress has been defined in so many ways with one being “The rate at which the future invades our present-day existence” (Alvin Toffler – Future Shock) He goes on to say that the impact of our technology and associated change is creating a significant stress loading which we need to deal with.
Participants learn firstly about the physiological and neurological pathways of stress within the brain limbic system and its impact on the body.
Coping is taught through use of the Wellness Triangle with focus on Physical, Social, Mental and Spiritual wellbeing, and participants are reminded that Stress Coping is an ongoing conscious process to be engaged in daily throughout their lives. It is interesting to note, that as we become more stressed, the first things we tend to stop doing are the very mechanisms designed to help us cope, such as physical exercise, sharing with an understanding friend etc.
5. Building Resilience
Building personal resilience is a targeted development program that candidates undergo over a period of time. It comprises physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and coherence dimensions, includes assertiveness and stress management, impulse control etc. and the aim is to capacitate managers and professionals in the workspace especially to cope with pressures associated with their work at senior level.
I am currently conducting resilience and emotional intelligence development in one organization for senior managers which has been spread over 10 modules and takes 1 year to complete.